Good evening working moms! Thanks to you all for joining the live chat. We’re excited to have you.
First I’ll introduce our experts – Erica Diamond and Vikki Stark.
Erica is a Montreal mother of two boys. She has a syndicated blog, which some of you may know – www.womenonthefence.com . She’s also an author and she speaks all over North America about how to be a successful career mom.
Hello ladies! Just hang on a sec here, let me make a proper introduction for Vikki!
Also joining us is psychotherapist Vikki Stark, a Montreal mother of two teen girls. She works with couples and families, and even has an upcoming workshop for parents on how to get their kids to listen— and talk (!). She’s here to answer all your questions tonight.
Thank you so much Erica and Vikki for joining us.
Now, let’s kick things off by asking Erica and Vikki – what seems to be the biggest thing working women struggle with?
Well, the hardest thing for working mothers is, of course, guilt! Wouldn't you agree, Erica?
"Me time" is what I hear often in the struggles of juggling both. We give our all to our jobs, kids and partners, and often we are put last on the totem pole.
Ahh the guilt! I am guilty of suffering with guilt as well.
Agreed - and one goes hand in hand - how to permit ourselves "me time" and not feel guilty.
Erica and Vikki, what kinds of things did you feel guilty about?
I remember when I went back to work when my kids were six months old - I was worried about the impact it would make on them.
Yes, and in today's world, work often doesn't stop at 5pm - we do work on weekends and nights.
I often feel guilty, during the day, when my kids get home from school, if I still have conference calls or emails or more writing, and they see me at my computer working, and not playing with them. That is tough for me.
Please - let's all stop the quest for perfection. It's not good for us!
Anne! Great to see you here. In case anyone didn't see it, Anne is the reporter who did the series on working moms :)
She also has three of her own, including twins -- I believe she's immersed in their birthday party right now!
I always say, strive for excellence, never perfection. Perfection is an illusion of the mind. Do the best you can, with what you've got.
Hi Anne! what a fabulous job you did!!
Getting back to what someone asked about - what do people do for child care?
Elizabeth, you raise an important point - to not let guilt make you lower your standards for your kids - things like bedtimes and dinner together are so important.
Often working parents let down their hair and the kids' lives become very unstructured.
Vikki, that unstructured life is all about over-compensation right? Moms become permissive literally due to fatigue, being overtaxed, and again that sense of guilt.
Why do moms think they need to be perfect? Where does that come from?
Right - but when parents feel guilty and act guilty, the kids believe that they are owed something and it's not a good message for the kids.
Anne, support is the best thing a mother can ask for. Enjoy the mommies and let grandma love the boys, guilt free! ;)
Our kids are all very privile
ged - yet, we feel sorry for them!